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A Love Letter To My Son For Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day 2012

My Dearest Sweet Boy Chris,

I have been wanting to write you for a long time, but I didn’t have the courage or the words but I’ve decided that now is perfect because it’s Mother’s Day. There is also the feeling that because I had 9 months with you before you were born and it’s been 9 months since you had to leave, this time is feeling very sacred to me.

It has been hard for me as Mother’s Day got closer to face that for the first time since you were born I wouldn’t get a big bear hug, see your face, hear your voice or read your loving, funny, touchingly sweet cards signed BooBoo. I guess you can tell I have been feeling a bit sorry for myself.

I’ve been trying so hard to hang on and feel better, and now finally I can hear you say, “Mama, I’m all right and it’s all going to be OK.” In my still broken but healing heart I know this is my Mother’s Day gift from you. You have reminded me of all the things and times that I am so grateful for.

How can I not be grateful that you chose me to be your mom, even if it means that you would need to leave before I was ready?

How can I not be grateful that I got to experience how much I adore and love you (and always will) and how much you loved me, even if I feel so much sadness now?

How can I not be grateful that you gave me the gift of watching you grow from a little guy into the most tender, loving, amazing, kindhearted, smart, funny (next to your dad) man I’ve ever met?

How can I not be grateful that even though you were afraid to fall in love and have children, you were brave enough to open your heart when you found the right person.

How can I not be grateful that even though you were an only child (I’m so sorry that I wasn’t as brave as you because I know that hurt you) and you knew you had to leave, you brought Betsy, Will and Anna Bea into our lives.

How can I not be grateful and feel so blessed that you were born and such a big and wonderful part of my life even knowing now how things turned out?

How can I not be grateful to you my dear sweet boy Chris for the love and joy you brought me?

So this Mother’s Day and for all the rest of my days I’m going to remember your gift to me: How in the world can I not be grateful for every little thing in my life?

Hugs, smooches and sending you a heart cookie filled with all the love in the world,
Love always, Your L’il Mama

About Vicki Heise

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  1. [...] Week 2 Action Plan: I’m back home and having an action plan do-over this week! When I’m feeling drawn to food to cope, I will do self care instead. Week 2 Musings: There was a lot to cope with this week. Being the week before my first Mother’s Day without my son brought up many powerful emotions that I needed to feel and be present with. My family was asking what I wanted to do on THE day and my first reaction was to just ignore the whole thing. I had been wanting to write a letter to my son expressing how I loved being his mom but hadn’t been able to do it. Wednesday while taking a long walk with the dog, thoughts were coming to me that I wanted to write down. Doing that was the best self care I could have done for myself. I was able to grieve and be grateful to have been his mom. I then had a wonderful, joyous, happy time with my family on Mother’s Day. This was a huge change for me; in the past I would always withdraw into myself. This time I did what I needed for me and then reached out to others for support. I think I graduated from baby steps this week into a giant one !! PS You can see the letter I wrote here. [...]

  2. [...] Week 2 Action Plan: I’m back home and having an action plan do-over this week! When I’m feeling drawn to food to cope, I will do self care instead. Week 2 Musings: There was a lot to cope with this week. Being the week before my first Mother’s Day without my son brought up many powerful emotions that I needed to feel and be present with. My family was asking what I wanted to do on THE day and my first reaction was to just ignore the whole thing. I had been wanting to write a letter to my son expressing how I loved being his mom but hadn’t been able to do it. Wednesday while taking a long walk with the dog, thoughts were coming to me that I wanted to write down. Doing that was the best self care I could have done for myself. I was able to grieve and be grateful to have been his mom. I then had a wonderful, joyous, happy time with my family on Mother’s Day. This was a huge change for me; in the past I would always withdraw into myself. This time I did what I needed for me and then reached out to others for support. I think I graduated from baby steps this week into a giant one !! PS You can see the letter I wrote here. [...]

  3. [...] Week 2 Action Plan: I’m back home and having an action plan do-over this week! When I’m feeling drawn to food to cope, I will do self care instead. Week 2 Musings: There was a lot to cope with this week. Being the week before my first Mother’s Day without my son brought up many powerful emotions that I needed to feel and be present with. My family was asking what I wanted to do on THE day and my first reaction was to just ignore the whole thing. I had been wanting to write a letter to my son expressing how I loved being his mom but hadn’t been able to do it. Wednesday while taking a long walk with the dog, thoughts were coming to me that I wanted to write down. Doing that was the best self care I could have done for myself. I was able to grieve and be grateful to have been his mom. I then had a wonderful, joyous, happy time with my family on Mother’s Day. This was a huge change for me; in the past I would always withdraw into myself. This time I did what I needed for me and then reached out to others for support. I think I graduated from baby steps this week into a giant one !! PS You can see the letter I wrote here. [...]

  4. [...] Week 2 Action Plan: I’m back home and having an action plan do-over this week! When I’m feeling drawn to food to cope, I will do self care instead. Week 2 Musings: There was a lot to cope with this week. Being the week before my first Mother’s Day without my son brought up many powerful emotions that I needed to feel and be present with. My family was asking what I wanted to do on THE day and my first reaction was to just ignore the whole thing. I had been wanting to write a letter to my son expressing how I loved being his mom but hadn’t been able to do it. Wednesday while taking a long walk with the dog, thoughts were coming to me that I wanted to write down. Doing that was the best self care I could have done for myself. I was able to grieve and be grateful to have been his mom. I then had a wonderful, joyous, happy time with my family on Mother’s Day. This was a huge change for me; in the past I would always withdraw into myself. This time I did what I needed for me and then reached out to others for support. I think I graduated from baby steps this week into a giant one !! PS You can see the letter I wrote here. [...]



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